Feeling Proud....

I am feeling so proud of myself, I know it is soon, but I have worked out everyday for the past week except for Sunday. Yeah, yeah it has only been a week, but 6 days is better than none. I opted not to weigh today, I am going to go another week before I check if anything has changed, I am scared to be disappointed. I have been way good about my portions. The only food mishap I have had was last night. I was all alone and needed a snack. Nothing sounded better than toast and hot chocolate. I felt so bad after I ate it so it wasn't even worth it. I will do better next time. I am off to shower per my kids request, (they saw me sweating on the treadmill.)

Dusting off the DVD....

I did it, I pull out the Jillian Michaels dvd two days ago. It was a frustrating morning for me of making the commitment to get to the gym, only to get there and find it closed for election day. Didn't they know how I am struggling and needed the elliptical right away. So I came home, still committed to becoming skinny as soon as possible, and busted out the movie. I had to laugh at myself when I brushed off the dust bunnies, I mean come on, have I been that lazy.

So here I am recommitting again to the journey to not be fat. It is amazing how my stomach is starting to get bigger and hang down, and I need to stop it before it gets to my knees and I end up on The Biggest Loser.

I am off to exercise.

A Thank You to my Fat....

I would just like to take a minute to give a shout out and thank you to my fat. I was thinking about how much I love the after exercise feeling and that if I was never fat I would never have enjoyed that so much. Gaining weight during pregnancy and then never losing it has opened my eyes to so many new things. If I never gained the weight then I would never have started working out, which then I probably would never wanted to challenge myself to doing a triathlon, and I wouldn't be trying to fill my days with active activities with the family.

On Monday in between study breaks, Andy came home and told me I could go and exercise. I was about to go and then I told him that we should all go together. We headed down the .53 of a mile road to the walking park on the lake. It was so beautiful and we were together doing something to benefit our health. Andy is currently training for a marathon so he of course did double the work at double the speed, but still it was so much fun.

So yeah, it got me thinking that in some weird way I should be grateful for my fat, although it has caused me more heartache than joy, I am trying to be optimistic.

Should I be a fake aerobics teacher?

So last night was Enrichment night for our ward and afterwards I was talking with a few friends, and just like me, they are all trying to get in shape. I felt very inspired after to organize a "exercise at the church group". I feel like so many people want to exercise but nobody knows how to get started, a lot of people don't want to do it alone, and if they are anything like me, they don't know what they are doing. So yeah, I am thinking about putting something together maybe two times a week. The only thing is what we would we do.....a video, run around the gym. I wish I were an aerobics teacher and knew what to do, I would do it. I just want people, including myself) to believe in themselves and to know that it is possible to do a sprint triathlon, 5K, and 10K. If I can do it, so can they.

Today I....

Did this and my legs are still shaking and I signed up to be able to work out at the junior high across the street from our house and I am hoping to be able to go when Andy gets home from work. Pray that my knee does not bother me, if so I will believe my husband that I have a torn something and go to the doctor.

I woke up this morning and put on my exercise clothes right away, promising myself that I would not shower and get ready until I had exercised!! So far I did it. Yeah for me. At least I am trying.

Moving Forward and Falling back....

I cannot believe how long it has been since I have written on here. Things the past few weeks have been great with the exercise and losing weight. I have dropped down into the 170's and have been exercising at least 3 times a week. But why is it when things are going great and I seem to be moving forward that something else seems to interfere....my knees. Both of my knees are killing me, I just got off the threadmill and the bike and they are throbbing. I want to scream. I just can't even type right now because I feel so emotional about the whole thing. I want to run. I want to lose weight. I want to do another triathalon. I want my body to function normally. Is that too much to ask.

Food or Body??

The past few days I have had a couple of total food breakdowns. On Thursday of last week on the way home from a dive meet, the kids wanted to go to Mc Donald's so we went and it was terrible. I mean the food was good, but it was terrible that I ate it and loved every minute of it. I also ordered a McFlurry, thanks to 30 Rock, I have never ordered ice cream from Mc Donald's before. My body needed it, it just sounded soooo good, and besides I think the last time I went there was in November when Andy's mom was here on a visit. The second food breakdown occurred on Saturday night, Andy was in the middle of his 30 hour shift, the kids were in bed, and I sat on the couch with a bag of chocolate chips and watched The Bridges of Madison County on the Lifetime Movie Network.

That does not mean that I am not working out, I have exercised 5 of the last 8 days and I now know if I stay on the treadmill long enough, the belt will straighten itself out, it's all about enduring.

The thing bothering me and has always bothered me is food. I am constantly thinking about what I should not be eating and I feel guilty when I do eat. Then I wonder why am I willing to choose the Honey BBQ Fritos over my body and being healthy. For me it is about not having the crap food in your house, the chips were for Andy for Valentines, but when it is there I cannot say no. I don't know what my problem is. I wish I were stronger and I wish I could take back all of the bad food I have eaten in my 27 years of life, or do I??????

Oh, and I failed to mention food breakdown number three, when I made cookies with the kids on Sunday and we ate tons of dough and I had like 10 cookies, good thing we delivered the rest to friends.

I love feeling it all over....

This morning I got on the treadmill (thanks to Andy who tried to repair the belt going off to the side issue) and a "brisk" 5 min warm-up walk followed by 60 seconds of jogging and then 90 seconds of walking. I did this for 20 min and then did a 5 min cool down to give a total of 30 min on the treadmill. Not to bad if you ask me. I can feel it now all over, in my chest, butt, and even my back, just goes to show how out of shape I really am.

This is just the beginning of my training to do a 5k, possibly even a 10k, and then a sprint triathlon in August. I know that if I commit my self to doing things like that I will be better at exercising. Having a goal is very important in all of this.

So, let's see how it goes. Wish me luck for the next few weeks.

How quick is the fix??

So this morning I tried this Quick Fix Post Natal workout dvd that I checked out from the library yesterday. I don't know that it was my favorite exercise video, but it was something, and my butt feels a little sore. I think my favorite thing about it all, besides watching Porter and Carlee do it with me, was that it suggested using water bottles, filled with water of course, as weights, and I did.

I still do not think I have found my "nich" (is that even a word?) but I am trying.

Seriously Frustrated....

So this morning the first thing I did (after feeding the kids of course) was put on my exercise clothes and headed down to the basement to the "exercise room" that Andy created for me. The room consists of a treadmill (thanks to Andy's parents) and my bike set up on a bike trainer (also thanks to Andy's parents). The treadmill is a few years old and it is starting to show. If you are on it for more than five minutes, the belt starts to go off to the side and eventually makes a horrible rubbing noise. But despite all of that I still was determined to get some sort of exercise today. I got on the treadmill and sure enough 5 min and 38 sec later, we had rubbing action. So I got off and got right on bike bike. I have never ridden a bike on a bike trainer before, but I do not think it was set up correctly. Pushing with the left leg I could get resistance, but as my right leg would come around, it was free falling, and so was I as I almost fell off the bike.

The whole thing makes me want to cry. I have called the two local gyms, one is right up the street which would be great, except for the fact that it is $109 a month, and the other is about $275 for the year, but is not as close, and with Andy's schedule, I just do not see it being worth the money.

I think I am going to take everyone's advice and hit the library for an exercise movie, it doesn't hurt to try. Especially when I am feeling like everything else I try is not working. Oh, on a side note, this is all coming after Andy bought me a treadmill for our anniversary that I had to return for it's excessive squeakiness coming apart. I am at fat loss here folks.

I am off to the library....

What?.....Exercise at home....

Something that I am struggling with is figuring out how to exercise. The only way I know is going to a gym and hopping on the machine and using weights. Exercising at home is something that I have never done before and therefore makes it hard for me to do. I am so grateful today for the 60 degree weather that we are having. I put together the bike trailer, attached the handle bar and took the kids on a jog/walk (Porter was tired and I was happy to walk with him). It was so beautiful and refreshing to walk by the lake and feel the sun, major vitamin D deficiency going on here.

So anyway, yeah, I am just really having a hard time with exercising. I miss sweating like a pig and having major boob sweat (sorry if that is too much info) and the need to use a towel. I miss the pool, jumping in, and being able to say that I swam a mile, I miss the alone time with my i-pod as loud as it would go. So now what? I don't know, I am still trying to figure it out.

Food Goal....

So my morning has already started out with a struggle. My favorite breakfast (thanks to living with my mother-in-law for one year) has become cinnamon and sugar toast with a glass of chocolate milk. I have that for breakfast 90% of the time. So today I woke up and almost went for that. Instead I opted for a bowl of Kellogg's Special K with strawberries!! Yeah for me.

Food is such a hard thing to deal with. I think most people just get into eating habits and we eat what we are used to. Changing the foods we eat is a very hard thing to do. It also means changing our routine at the grocery store, which for me is hard, I like routine.

So, today's goal, drink water!!! I have become very bad at drinking water and staying hydrated. Something that I used to love about working out in the morning was that by the time I was done with my workout I would have consumed at least 30 oz. of water before 7:30 a.m. Now I am lucky to consume that in one whole day. So here we go with the water challenge.

This is me....

So here it is, the blog I have been talking about creating for months now. Thanks to a little encouragement from a friend, I will now begin "the next chapter of my life".

This is about me having issues with my weight. I just walked off the scale at 183 pounds and there is nothing about that number that makes me feel good. Weight is something that I have struggled with since I started having children. After baby number one I just accepted the fact that I was fat and a size 14, bought new clothes, and did the best I could to feel okay about being that size. After baby number two, I could not stand the fact that at my last OB appointment I weighed 208 pounds. My first day at the gym after having her I was 185. I worked so hard for two years to get that weight off, I got down to 160 and was a size 10 and I felt good about myself. I completed 2 triathlons, many 5K and 10K races. Now, here I am post baby number three and having all of the same struggles again.

There are days where I will look in the mirror and literally feel disgusted at how I look. I cannot stand the rolls, the saggy hanging stuff (including my huge you know what), and my "muffin top" (which inspired the name of this blog). It is now time for me to do something about it.

My current situation makes it difficult for me to exercise regularly like I did before. My husbands schedule is crazy, so when can I get to the gym? If it something that I want bad enough, I will change it right.

I want it bad enough.

In the future I will be posting my measurements, current weights, food logs, and my thoughts about losing weight. This blog will also contain music that helps me to get motivated when I exercise.

I hope that in doing this I can help myself get healthy and maybe someone else.

Let the journey begin.