Feeling Proud....

I am feeling so proud of myself, I know it is soon, but I have worked out everyday for the past week except for Sunday. Yeah, yeah it has only been a week, but 6 days is better than none. I opted not to weigh today, I am going to go another week before I check if anything has changed, I am scared to be disappointed. I have been way good about my portions. The only food mishap I have had was last night. I was all alone and needed a snack. Nothing sounded better than toast and hot chocolate. I felt so bad after I ate it so it wasn't even worth it. I will do better next time. I am off to shower per my kids request, (they saw me sweating on the treadmill.)

Dusting off the DVD....

I did it, I pull out the Jillian Michaels dvd two days ago. It was a frustrating morning for me of making the commitment to get to the gym, only to get there and find it closed for election day. Didn't they know how I am struggling and needed the elliptical right away. So I came home, still committed to becoming skinny as soon as possible, and busted out the movie. I had to laugh at myself when I brushed off the dust bunnies, I mean come on, have I been that lazy.

So here I am recommitting again to the journey to not be fat. It is amazing how my stomach is starting to get bigger and hang down, and I need to stop it before it gets to my knees and I end up on The Biggest Loser.

I am off to exercise.

A Thank You to my Fat....

I would just like to take a minute to give a shout out and thank you to my fat. I was thinking about how much I love the after exercise feeling and that if I was never fat I would never have enjoyed that so much. Gaining weight during pregnancy and then never losing it has opened my eyes to so many new things. If I never gained the weight then I would never have started working out, which then I probably would never wanted to challenge myself to doing a triathlon, and I wouldn't be trying to fill my days with active activities with the family.

On Monday in between study breaks, Andy came home and told me I could go and exercise. I was about to go and then I told him that we should all go together. We headed down the .53 of a mile road to the walking park on the lake. It was so beautiful and we were together doing something to benefit our health. Andy is currently training for a marathon so he of course did double the work at double the speed, but still it was so much fun.

So yeah, it got me thinking that in some weird way I should be grateful for my fat, although it has caused me more heartache than joy, I am trying to be optimistic.

Should I be a fake aerobics teacher?

So last night was Enrichment night for our ward and afterwards I was talking with a few friends, and just like me, they are all trying to get in shape. I felt very inspired after to organize a "exercise at the church group". I feel like so many people want to exercise but nobody knows how to get started, a lot of people don't want to do it alone, and if they are anything like me, they don't know what they are doing. So yeah, I am thinking about putting something together maybe two times a week. The only thing is what we would we do.....a video, run around the gym. I wish I were an aerobics teacher and knew what to do, I would do it. I just want people, including myself) to believe in themselves and to know that it is possible to do a sprint triathlon, 5K, and 10K. If I can do it, so can they.

Today I....

Did this and my legs are still shaking and I signed up to be able to work out at the junior high across the street from our house and I am hoping to be able to go when Andy gets home from work. Pray that my knee does not bother me, if so I will believe my husband that I have a torn something and go to the doctor.

I woke up this morning and put on my exercise clothes right away, promising myself that I would not shower and get ready until I had exercised!! So far I did it. Yeah for me. At least I am trying.

Moving Forward and Falling back....

I cannot believe how long it has been since I have written on here. Things the past few weeks have been great with the exercise and losing weight. I have dropped down into the 170's and have been exercising at least 3 times a week. But why is it when things are going great and I seem to be moving forward that something else seems to interfere....my knees. Both of my knees are killing me, I just got off the threadmill and the bike and they are throbbing. I want to scream. I just can't even type right now because I feel so emotional about the whole thing. I want to run. I want to lose weight. I want to do another triathalon. I want my body to function normally. Is that too much to ask.

Food or Body??

The past few days I have had a couple of total food breakdowns. On Thursday of last week on the way home from a dive meet, the kids wanted to go to Mc Donald's so we went and it was terrible. I mean the food was good, but it was terrible that I ate it and loved every minute of it. I also ordered a McFlurry, thanks to 30 Rock, I have never ordered ice cream from Mc Donald's before. My body needed it, it just sounded soooo good, and besides I think the last time I went there was in November when Andy's mom was here on a visit. The second food breakdown occurred on Saturday night, Andy was in the middle of his 30 hour shift, the kids were in bed, and I sat on the couch with a bag of chocolate chips and watched The Bridges of Madison County on the Lifetime Movie Network.

That does not mean that I am not working out, I have exercised 5 of the last 8 days and I now know if I stay on the treadmill long enough, the belt will straighten itself out, it's all about enduring.

The thing bothering me and has always bothered me is food. I am constantly thinking about what I should not be eating and I feel guilty when I do eat. Then I wonder why am I willing to choose the Honey BBQ Fritos over my body and being healthy. For me it is about not having the crap food in your house, the chips were for Andy for Valentines, but when it is there I cannot say no. I don't know what my problem is. I wish I were stronger and I wish I could take back all of the bad food I have eaten in my 27 years of life, or do I??????

Oh, and I failed to mention food breakdown number three, when I made cookies with the kids on Sunday and we ate tons of dough and I had like 10 cookies, good thing we delivered the rest to friends.